we all have to start somewhere (part the second)

with my dads, i was empowered.

they didn't know that at the time, but my engines were fired up at existing as a queer being in the world.

they worked a lot, so in that first summer before 8th grade started, i was mostly left to my own devices. and they had given me an electric typewriter. and it was with this instrument that i started writing my first deep poetry, my first fiction explorations, my first development along the writer track i somehow knew was meant for me.

since they worked retail, my dads did, i was left alone during the daytime for the summer of 1992. and with that time i wrote a (definitely) ridiculous but totally enjoyable fantasy story that incorporated elements of Queen songs, especially their earlier albums. i drew from the rich imagery they presented and built upon it an entire world that could exist and breathe in fiction, even if it was only fan fiction - which i did not know existed at this time. that story was my everything. if i was not writing, i was sketching concepts of the characters. sometimes i spent days tracking character development. sometimes i made art out of it.

what i was doing had been trailblazed by people decades before me, but i was no less passionate. i spent my days drawing maps, devising a cohesive fantasy world that drew upon Queen's discography, and found myself quite unable to disconnect from this world, since i had contributed to the mythology, however indirectly.

but of course, reality always crashes in, and school was starting after the great hurricane smashed Miami - this significant weather event (Hurricane Andrew) was  muted by my passionate love for Queen. Freddie Mercury would see us through this, I predicted. we would be fine.

and we were! minor damages that were soon fixed by insurance, and a coming together of society i have not seen before nor since - we all banded together to feed each other, water each other, and take care of each other's security. it was beautiful, and something i will never, ever forget.

i went through eighth and ninth grade in Miami as an entity that existed on the outside of established social circles. it would echo the loneliness i had known to that point and forecast more coming down the line. i made friends, sure, i even had my first real queer crush, but i held myself outside and above any attempts at developing friendships. that was too much, i thought, and i kept aloof for self protection.

maybe it was because it was a magnet school and i lived far away from the other people who attended it. maybe it was because there was no way it would be socially acceptable at that time to reveal that my family was queer. there were a lot of reasons that i kept to myself. it was NOT the best thing, i know now. i think, if i had chanced it, there would have been a lot of allies in the eternal fight against the void that hates and hurts and forces others to hate and hurt.

soon would come the news that my dads would be transferring their jobs to california to "open up the market out on the west coast." they were eager to do it, and i was excited to see california, so we were all set for that. that became our focus toward the end of my freshman year in high school.

this is a short little transitional tidbit that will lead to my one year in california, and how much it affected me and its intense impact on my self, body, and soul. ❤